No, it’s not because of the room.

But, waking up this morning I did feel like I was in a new place and I had a new set of goals ahead of me, which felt pretty good. For a long time here I felt like I was just cruising along – happy, but missing some sense of fulfillment. I spent the first half of this year singing and playing guitar at open mic nights and it awakened this old, strange longing that I have for a stage to perform on – being able to open myself up to strangers beneath the hot lights in a room without any sort of barrier. It was the start of a spark that has culminated into this plan, this reminder of the things I need to do while I’m still alive. There isn’t a particular order, but I feel like I’ve neglected it for too long to not start pushing myself to check some things off.

First thing is to get back to my high school weight and try to have some fucking pride in my body. In the last 5 or so years I’ve gone back and forth with this shit and right now I’m on a mission to acquire some confidence in myself and the way I look. I have a long way to go but it needs to be done. It’s not really a want anymore – I have too many other things to do to let this get in my way.

Another thing is to find more creative outlets. I’ve been able to meet this goal with my podcast, which has been going strong for 10 episodes so far, and we’re on our way to wrapping up the first “season” in a couple weeks. After a short break and possibly a “best-of” or “b-sides” release, we’ll get started again. Honestly, I know that what I’m doing with the podcast isn’t exactly significant in any huge way and I don’t expect it to be anything more than a fun thing that my friends and I do on the weekends. It’s become a really fun hobby though and I’m glad that some people enjoy it.

I also want to address that I really, truly appreciate the friends that have supported me in these strange things. The local friends that have come to see me perform at open mic, the ones that spontaneously grab a bowl of Pho with me, the ones that have taken the time to listen to my podcast – I can’t express exactly how much it means to me, but it does. I’ve also been kind of heartbroken to not receive much support from some of my older friends, specifically with the podcast. Honestly, I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But, I like to think that I’d listen to your shitty podcast if you decided that you wanted to make one. If a friend writes or stars in a shitty movie, I’m going to go see that shitty movie. Hell, I’m going to buy the shitty DVD. If a friend publishes a shitty book, I’m going to buy that shitty book, put it on my shelf, and recommend it to everyone I know. I mean, come on… at least pretend that you tried to give a shit.

It’s hard to see old friends turn into acquaintances, as if you’re watching their lives unfold from behind a thick glass.

This was the first sentence I wrote to help me get started writing this blog post, but now it feels out of place and somewhat bitter. I promise it’s not my intention, but I feel like I’m travelling at a much different pace in life. Like I said, I’ve been coasting along for a while and searching for some sense of fulfillment, and it’s strange to see others fly by in a blur while I’m still in first gear.

Regardless, I have a weekly podcast now, so if you miss the sweet sultry sounds of my voice and/or you like ridiculous, nerdy comedy, then give it a listen! I am going to start posting episodes on here in a shameless attempt to get more listeners. It’s called 40s and 20s (think “Drinking 40s and Rolling 20s” – as in, 40 oz malt liquor and rolling 20-sided die) and I record it every Friday with my friends Raul Sarmiento and Mike Kaess. New episodes are usually posted Saturday evening. I’d really appreciate if everyone checked it out!

You can subscribe to my podcast on iTunes or stream the latest 3 or 4 episodes online at SoundCloud.

Also you can become a fan on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

This is the latest episode – Episode 10: The Adventures of Gary Fry.

All joking aside, I must admit that even in my most sincerely awkward of moments could I ever imagine creating a situation as beautiful as the following two videos. This one is both incredible, yet quickly and familiarly uncomfortable:

Huge thanks to Lee for taking a few moments to share videos with me. Much appreciated, sir.

On a random note, I have spent the last few nights reliving the last Brand New tour that I saw in Salt Lake City… Manchester Orchestra + Kevin Devine + Brand New. I mean, how can you not dwell on a tour of that magnitude? Absolutely fantastic.

Anyway, here is my parting gift:

DRIVIN’ WITH MY KNEES! I’M DRIVIN’ WITH MY KNEES!

I do love Brand New. and Manchester Orchestra’s new album. Go buy it now.

Oh yeah, yesterday was also my birthday. So, I am now 22 years old. Cue confetti!

This year, my birthday was significantly more laid-back than last year. As of this time last year, I was recovering from a long night with friends crawling bars in Albuquerque. I also had to buy a new phone because I dropped mine into a toilet that I decided was a good place to pass out; definitely memorable, but not something I’d like to relive. This year, I decided that I wanted good sushi, some good sake, and some wine. I got exactly that, plus I caught up on two episodes of Lost. Overall, it was a very relaxing, enjoyable, calm birthday.

On a final note, I just realized today that my blog is the first search result for “Ryan Abreu” on Google. Very interesting. I really need to keep this blog in top form if it is going to come up every time that someone Googles my name. That means no more late-night drunk posting. That means more meaningful content. That means more posts!

So watch out, internet. I may just follow the footsteps of my friend Joshua Arnold and start shaping my online identity. Does that mean I need to completely redesign my blog? Does that mean I need to start geeking out in my posts? What do you think? How does someone reshape their online identity when it’s clear that their personal site is no longer so personal?

“I’ve got knives in my eyes.”
- Brendan Frye, “Brick“

Also, as a not-so-quick aside, I’d like to point out how much I loathe IE CSS hacks. I am also completely disgusted at Microsoft’s decision to give Internet Explorer 8 a “compatibility mode” so that people can continue to view websites the way IE7 rendered them. Super job at trying to push web standards, guys. There is also a recent CoDe Magazine that is entirely dedicated to IE8, and one of the big articles tries to explain their reasons behind making that decision. Honestly, If I had a birdcage, I would line it with that article.

One last thing – IE Developer Toolbar sucks!

That is all.

I am well aware that this may not mean anything to anyone that may read this blog, but I have something special to announce. I have waited at least a month to say this, but I am very excited to announce that in less than 2 weeks, I will be making a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada! I was lucky enough to receive a free ticket to MIX, a Microsoft conference that has a strong focus on the correlation between current internet technologies and design. The talks are presented by very high-profile speakers in the industry, and I actually follow a lot of these guys on twitter, or I subscribe to their blogs on Google Reader.

The code that I write is lagely inspired by the things that these people write! I know it’s super nerdy but c’mon!

I am not only excited to make my first trip to the real Vegas, but I am really looking forward to the chance to network with some of these bigwigs in the industry. I can’t believe that this opportunity just fell in my lap out of nowhere. At the same time, however, I am extremely humbled at the fact that I will be representing my company (along with my CEO and boss) at such a huge technology event. I have even considered entering in a Rock Band competition.

Besides the fact that I haven’t worked with very many web-based technologies as of late, I still believe that I have an interest in where a lot of the current trends are going. For example, I have been doing Silverlight 2 work on and off, as well as giving talks at SoCal Code Camps and participating in Silverlight labs in Irvine. Most of the talks that I am planning on attending are either Silverlight 3 or Expression Blend related, and I have been advocating on the behalf of Silverlight almost nonstop since it was released a few months ago.

It’s time to switch to the dark side, Actionscript Nazis!

Wow… haha. But seriously, all joking aside, I think that this year’s MIX Conference will be extremely rewarding and I’m very lucky to be given the chance to attend such an event so early on in my career.  To make this blog post that much more boring, here are some of the sessions that I am planning on attending:

• What’s New in Microsoft Silverlight 3
• Integrating Microsoft Expression Blend with Adobe Creative Suite
• How’d they do it?  Real App.  Real Code.  Two Weeks.  Nothing but .NET (Scott Hanselman!!!)
• From Concept to Production: Microsoft Expression Blend
• User Experience Design Patterns for Business Applications with Microsoft Silverlight 3
• Consuming Web Services in Microsoft Silverlight 3
• Deep Zoom++ : Build Dynamic Deep Zoom application with Open Source
• Touch and Gesture Computing, What You Haven’t Heard (Joseph Fletcher!!!)

I’d like to add that almost all my former classmates from school do web-based work with their companies, while I have done hardly any web-based work so far at all.

So… yeah, it’ll be nice to rub it in their faces when I get to meet a lot of these famous Microsoft people face-to-face.

Haaaaah, it’ll be great.

I am kind of questioning what to do with this blog… If I should keep it more personal or technical or some weird mix of the two. I’ll let you know what I decide.

Also, I wrote this post from my iPod Touch using the WordPress app. It’s actually really nice and I hope that this will make me post a little more often.

1. Graduating Magna Cum Laude from Neumont University with a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science.
2. Moving to Carlsbad, California and working for an amazing company doing work that I love.
3. Voting for my first presidential candidate.
4. Turning 21.
5. Adapting a more active lifestyle.

In packing for my Christmas vacation (I actually am supposed to be leaving to the airport in 5 hours…), I was both ecstatic and apprehensive looking forward at the coming 10 days with my family and friends, neither of whom I have seen in a while. I was ecstatic because I am always excited to be around friends, especially now that I am living on my own without any real friends of my own. I was ecstatic because Christmas with my family is always such a big thing, and I can’t imagine spending it anywhere else, really.

However, I was apprehensitve mostly because I remembered how often I get excited to go home only to be disappointed. Vegas has a weird way of doing that to me. There isn’t much to do, and even though friends are in town, without a car it’s hard to see anyone. Even if you do get to spend time with friends, it always somehow feels short-lived. Also, it’s always weird to transition from living on your own without any restrictions to suddenly sleeping in your old room on a bunk bed. I still haven’t gotten used to that.

Regardless, this Christmas break is well-deserved and I am looking forward to the chance to relax and spend some time away from work. I’m even looking forward to freezing my ass off. There’s one thing I am not looking forward to, however, and that is the anxiety that I’ve set my expectations too high. I don’t care if this Christmas break is life-changing. No, I just want to feel like I’m back home – a little closer to the way things used to be with the friends and family that shares that same goal with me.

Wait, why am I excited to go to Utah? This will be the second time that I’ve visited since I moved to California. I guess that I’m just really excited to see my old college friends. I really wish that some of them lived closer. I’ve found that, for the 4th (!!!) time in my life, I have to start over and make new friends in an unfamiliar place. You would think that I’d be good at it by now. Think again.

I totally suck at making friends! I am just not good at it at all. When I think about it, I’ve really only been spending my time at 3 places: home, work, and the gym. I just don’t have time for anything else during the week, and on the weekends, I don’t have anyone to go out with so I usually just stay at home or go for a long bike ride. So, I guess I can see why I’m not meeting any new people.

Gone are the days when I sit in a coffee shop and wait for magic to happen, for people to appear out of thin air and strike up a conversation. I guess I’ll have to think of some new ways to meet people.

Anyway, I’m very excited to spend the weekend with old friends.