Robots Don't Sleep

This is probably dead news by now to most people, but it’s still pretty important for a lot of reasons, like voters choosing their nominee for the upcoming election.

So, my roommates and I were just talking about politics, and Iraq came up. Now, I never agreed that we should have invaded Iraq. I believe that our continuing occupation there is not only digging us further in debt, but also costing the lives of innocent Iraqis and American soldiers. So far, it is estimated that 88,000 Iraqis and 3,950 U.S. Armed Forces have been killed in the Iraq War (sources: ¹ and ²). Compared to 9/11, which had a death toll of 2,974 fatalities, the Iraq war has killed over 30 times more people.³

Let me preface this by saying that an uncle of mine is in his second tour of Iraq, and my friend’s brother has been there more times than that. I don’t agree with the war but I still support the troops – blah you’ve heard all this a million times before so why should I bother.

Anyway, I had some key disagreements with them, but my biggest issue is that one of my roommates denied that Bush tried linking the attacks of 9/11 and Iraq in order to justify the invasion. There are really two different arguments going on here.

First of all, there’s the notion that Bush was wrong about Iraq (no WMD’s, no real Iraq link to 9/11), and we know that this notion ended up being dead on. Now, most people can agree with this notion, while others simply refuse (“Well, how do we know Saddam wasn’t planning on building WMDs?”). However, most of us can agree that we didn’t go into Iraq for the reasons Bush was telling us. This is fine, but our argument stemmed from the idea that if Bush had stated plain and clear that he wanted to invade Iraq to kill Saddam, “liberate” the people, bring democracy to their front door, and occupy the country to have control over the oil, we should still support that! I don’t agree at all. I think that the only way he could garner support for this invasion was by stirring up the American people by using the “If we don’t attack them, they’ll attack us!” ideology. Don’t get me wrong, I think Saddam was a bad guy and the world is probably better off without him, but are we the ones to trade so many lives to take down one evil man? If our country really only cared about saving the world from evil and bringing democracy to countries in need, why would we randomly pick Iraq out of the bowl? Simple – there were hidden agendas from the start.

The second argument is that Bush didn’t try to make non-existent ties between Iraq with 9/11 to gain support from an angry and emotional American people. That is simply not true. The whole administration played the American public and got 70% of the country to agree that we didn’t care that we couldn’t find bin Laden. On September 11th and 12th, then-Defense Secretary Dondald Rumsfeld suggested that the US should use 9/11 as an excuse to attack Iraq. Then-Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz pushed for a regime change in Iraq, claiming that there is a 10 to 50 percent chance that Iraq was involved in the attacks, and claims that Iraq should be attacked because it is ultimately the source of the terrorist problem.⁴.

There are just a ton of quotes from Bush that I could quote here, but I think I’d be just mostly preaching to the choir. Also, it’s late and this blog entry is way too long. Everyone knows that Bush lied about what we were going to war for, and I thought that with an overwhelming majority of Americans wanting us to get out of Iraq, people out here would agree with me for the most part. But, I like debating about politics, so I guess I got my fill for the day.

I don’t usually do political blog entries, but I’m still in the mood from yesterday, listening to the news all night and watching polls go up and down. I’ve only recently struck an interest in politics, honestly, but I truly do enjoy debating with people over issues. My friend Brandon and I used to argue for fun but now I don’t really have anyone to do that with, so I usually just end up pissing people off with the way I debate.

Ok, so here’s my issue: I want to know why people like Hillary Clinton so damn much. More accurately, I want to know exactly why certain people don’t like Obama. I truly feel like he is the real thing — a true leader; he’s smart, he inspires people, and he stands up for what he believes in. Have you ever listened to one of his speeches? Best of all, I agree with his ideas for how the government should work for the people. The only thing I’ve heard negative about him is that he is isn’t as strong as he should be on the torture issue, but from what I’ve read, that’s not the case.

“When I am this party’s nominee, [my opponents] will not be able to say that I wavered on something as fundamental as whether or not it is ok for America to torture — because it is never ok… I will end the war in Iraq… I will close Guantanamo. I will restore habeas corpus.” — Barack Obama, Des Moines, Iowa, November 10, 2007

I like his policies dealing with technology. I like his foreign policy ideas. I like him as a person. So, what don’t people like about him? I want to know. And don’t say you don’t like him because he doesn’t have enough political experience. I think this quote by Robert DeNiro puts it best:

“Barack Obama does not have the experience to be president of the United States. For one thing: He wasn’t experienced enough to authorize the invasion of Iraq. And that’s not all. It’s clear Barack Obama does not have the experience to let the special interests run the government. That’s the kind of inexperience I can get used to.” — Robert DeNiro, East Rutherford, NJ, February 4, 2008

What really bothers me is when I tell someone that I like Obama and they cringe, “Eh, I don’t really agree with some of his policies… but he’s better than Hillary.” Well, what don’t you agree with? Seriously, name a policy that you don’t like. If you’re going to say that you disagree with his policies, you should be ablee to name the ones you disagree with. The most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard is religious nuts that receive misinformation and take it for truth. The notion that Obama is secretly Muslim, and is trying to destroy America from the inside-out. Or, that Obama refuses to put his hand over his heart when the National Anthem is played. Are you retarded? Honestly, I want to know if you were dropped on your head as a child.

I could tell you a million reasons why I do not support Hillary for President. I really want to know why anyone supports her at all. What do people like about her? That she’s a woman running for president? That she’s Bill’s wife? Honestly, I think that she is contrived – a carefully calculated political machine. She will do whatever it takes to get votes, and I don’t know how people can fall for that sort of thing. She chokes up the night before the New Hampshire primaries, and she comes from behind to beat Obama. Now, she’s starting to fall behind again, and then lost to Obama in South Carolina. So, what does she do the day before the Super Tuesday primaries? She gets all teary-eyed again in the public eye. It’s pretty pathetic.

Anyway, as of now, New Mexico is still too close to call. It’s pretty crazy. Obama’s barely winning by around 117 votes, which really makes me regret not registering to vote in time. He took Utah pretty easily, which was kind of a surprise for me. Of course, it does not surprise me at all that Romney won Utah by a landslide — somewhere around 90%. Wow, who would have guessed?

So tell me, why do you like/dislike certain candidates?

There are a lot of things going on right now, and it’s kind of hard for me to collect all my thoughts and make them form cohesive sentences. I might just stay up all night — I’m calling it a “hard reset”. You probably know what that means so I won’t bother explaining.

Most of the last year and a half has been a blur. I remember most of that blur being some of the best times that I can remember, but some of that blur seems like I was just spinning my wheels — not really going anywhere but still pushing the gas to the floor.

Sometimes I’ll be driving to school or on the train to work and I’ll remember something odd about my childhood or a memory from high school that I thought was a defining moment. Maybe at the time it seemed like it was, but now it just seems like a time that never happened. I mean, I know these things happened and I can picture myself there, but it’s so much easier just to stow it away and stop thinking about it.

My 21st is coming up soon, but not soon enough.

I had a great idea for a short story the other day, and I almost sat at my keyboard and starting writing it out. But, I didn’t. It takes too much time to be creative and do my own thing.

I’m starting to get really fed up with a certain person, and I can’t even explain it. I said to Josh today that I’m starting to get annoyed with how much he annoys me. Every word that comes out of his mouth makes me cringe, and I’m starting to wonder if I create this annoyance just so I can have something to complain about. Maybe not.

I’m going to have some really cool stuff to talk about soon, but first I need a big slap in the face and maybe just one glance from a person on the train. I’m here, I’m waiting.

I like to make myself feel sometimes that I can make sudden decisions and go somewhere without extensive preemptive planning. This, oftentimes, is a way for me to bring myself out of a slump or just make an otherwise boring weekend seem worthwhile. I hadn’t been feeling myself lately so I figured that at some point, I’d see a couple opportunities out of the corner of my eye and I’d just go for them. This weekend, I went to Sundance.

Ok, so I didn’t actually go up to Park City and rub elbows with all the rich celebrities and wannabe indie-movie elitists. I heard from someone at work on Friday that Choke, the novel by Chuck Palahniuk, had been made into a movie and its last screening was that night at midnight at the Tower Theater in downtown Salt Lake City. Apparently, the theaters will usually sell to about 85% capacity, and say that it’s “sold out”. Then, on the night of the show, other people that didn’t plan ahead can line up and get wait-listed, which doesn’t necessarily guarantee them a spot to get in. But, if there is enough seats and your wait-list number is below that number, then BAM! You’ve got yourself a ticket.

Fortunately for me, I had nothing really planned for Friday night, and I had been dying to just jump in my car and do something spontaneous. So, I got a couple friends together and we drove down to 9th and 9th to stand in line in the cold from about 8:30 til 10 just to get a wait-list number. Let me tell you, Friday night was cold. Myself, I was wearing a hoodie beneath my new leather jacket, and I was still pretty freezing.

The movie itself was pretty darn good. It was extremely funny at parts and touching in the usual strange Palaniuk sense. It wasn’t Fight Club by any means, which isn’t at all what I went into the movie expecting, but it was good in its own right. It actually won an award at Sundance – Dramatic Special Jury Prize for “Work by an Ensemble Cast”.

I only hope that this semi-spontaneity keeps my motivation and inspiration moving forward. This is how it used to feel in the old days with Josh and Leon at Bridge, learning new things and getting excited about the future.

Today officially marks two quarters left until I graduate. Six more months ’til I’m on my own, and it’s pretty scary. However, these final months in school are going to be pretty much a cakewalk because I’m only taking 12 or so credit hours in each one. Right now I’m at the same time thankful for the credits that successfully transferred to Neumont, and also resentful because of all the credits that just got washed down the drain. Wasted time, wasted money. It makes me realize how quickly I could have graduated had all my credits transferred. I guess it’s all for the better, though. I’m reluctant enough as it is right now to graduate.

Getting back into the groove seems so strange after only four weeks off. When I think about it, my brain feels so empty and it feels like some of the skills I’ve gained have slipped through my fingers. However, once I start working on something, it all comes back in a flash. Strange but true.

I’m working in downtown Salt Lake City this quarter for Enterprise Projects. I’m really excited about this one. Hopefully the project that I get to work on is fulfilling and challenging. The company itself seems pretty cool, but I’m just praying for a strong leader. I wouldn’t be able to handle a repeat of last quarter’s NORMA experience. Ambiguous tasks and no direction whatsoever… two things that I hate in projects.

Also, Austin was great! I had a great time, got to meet some interesting people, and was able to see some old friends from school. It was well worth it. However, over this Winter break I ate entirely too much delicious food and tasted a wide range of new beers. It’s time to get back on the diet and get rid of what’s been building up from four weeks of indulgence.

So I went on a bit of a hiatus from writing. It wasn’t just from this blog, but from all of my online entries. I lasted a couple weeks, but the main reason that I’m back is because I really felt something missing… much like anything that you cut out of your life for a short period of time. I felt that a lot of things kept building inside that I just kind of kept there – and as a result, they sort of lost their importance. Maybe not exactly their importance per se, but they definitely lost something. These thoughts just sort of bubble up in my head and then die out… floating out into the atmosphere and forming white fluffy clouds. I guess I have a need to form them into written words and let them settle somewhere else – somewhere where I can read them later and remember what I felt these past few weeks, even if it’s not anything especially monumental.

Several things have happened since I wrote last. I spent a couple weeks in New Mexico, not really doing much other than hanging out with some really old friends and eating. I ate a lot. I’m pretty sure I gained about 10 pounds from Thanksgiving and Christmas break alone. I’m definitely going to try to get rid of that within the next few months. I also got to see some really old friends that I haven’t seen in a very long time, which was worth the trip in itself. Other than that, I spent my time waiting for Christmas to come… I spent a lot of money on Christmas. I decided to just get gifts for my family this year, but man it was still expensive. I’m a money-spending machine, I swear.

Now, I’m in Austin, Texas with my friend Mike on a mancation. Yeah that’s right, a mancation. Before I left though, I spent two days in Albuquerque with Josh and Aaron, and I just have to say that that was a pretty interesting trip. Interesting is not a strong enough word, though. Life-affirming, maybe? It was like waking up from a weird dream, like looking around suddenly and wondering for a split-second where you are and how you got there. I can’t explain it any more than this, really. I played at an open mic night with Josh and my friend Meredith. Man, it was amazing. I really miss playing music publicly. I need to do it more often. I absolutely have to make a note to do it when I get back to Utah. It was just… awesome. A great feeling.

So, now that Christmas is over and New Year’s has come and gone, I guess it’s only appropriate to say that I’m anticipating school. From one countdown to another, I suppose. There is more to come, so just hold on and keep singing that same song over and over again.

Please forgive me. In the past few drawn-out, somewhat blurry days, I went over almost every aspect of 700 pages of certification material. I dedicated somewhere around 25-30 hours to studying the vast space between the front and back covers of this MCTS Training Kit, as well as 6 sets of PowerPoint slides an accompanying set of practice quiz questions for each section. Needless to say, I was a little stressed out, burned out, and overall sleepless this weekend. Mostly disconnected from the outside world, I had little time to relax other than food breaks and mental health walks outside in the cold.

I was worried. I’ve never failed a class before in my life. If I didn’t pass this cert, not only was I going to be short 3.5 credits for graduation, but I was also going to receive my first F in any class, ever. Failure wasn’t an option.

Most importantly, after all this, I managed to pass the certification test! Granted, I barely passed by the hair on my chin, but that’s not important right now. I have my first official certification in the industry! I am now an official Microsoft Certified Technology Specialist (MCTS) in MS SQL Server 2005. I honestly couldn’t be happier. Two more finals to go, and three papers! I can do this! The end is almost in sight!

Wow, I’ve been slacking on classes lately. It’s starting to catch up with me and I’m realizing how badly I need to get back on track. I have 3 papers due next week and one very large certification test that is hanging above my head, waiting to come down on me like a guillotine. I am going to study relentlessly this weekend. I have to. It’s worrying me that there is a high possibility that I will fail this test, but I have two chances to pass it. So, today marks the first of three days that I will be disconnected from reality.

I’m ready for this quarter to be over already. For some reason, it’s felt like the longest quarter I’ve ever had here. I think it’s because before this quarter started, I spent almost a week completely by myself. No school, no job, no friends, nothing. So, it was a weird way to start off the quarter I suppose. Just the other day I was talking about something that happened last quarter, and I could have sworn it was two quarters ago. Unfortunately, these past 10 weeks have really just gone by really slow.

So I guess what I’m feeling right now is a combination of things. I’m stressed and I’m worn out. I’m feeling unoriginal and a little empty. I’m feeling like I need to chiggity-check myself before I wriggity-wreck myself. Wow, I can’t believe I just said that. I’m not depressed, no no no. Please don’t think I am. I’m just kind of wishing I had someone to share this with.

So I’m currently in Phoenix, Arizona awaiting my flight, which of course got delayed an hour. I’m on my way to Austin, Texas and I couldn’t be more excited. A spontaneous weekend getaway to celebrate a friend’s birthday. What more could anyone ask for? Phoenix for Peanuts, baby.

Bits and pieces of my past self have been popping up lately, and it’s been refreshing. I remember sitting for long hours outside the Starbucks in Los Alamos, waiting for a beautiful girl to walk by and change my life. Hell, I remember writing about it a million times. That side of myself came out a bit today, due in part to the many beautiful girls at the Salt Lake City airport. I see one walk by, and my gaze is instantly focused solely on her. Now, another one drops a bag. My eyes shift to her and I begin to wonder what her story is. I long to know her favorite pastime.

I guess you could say that it’s sort of like attraction ADD.

So, I sat next to a gorgeous girl on the plane to Phoenix. We talked for awhile, but other than a couple clever quips, my arsenal of flirty comments and pickup lines are pretty low. It’s safe to say that I’m not very good at picking up girls. Regardless, she was amazingly gorgeous, and she listened to good music. Sometimes, that’s all I really need.

I’ve come to realize a few things about myself in regards to girls. First of all, I have horrible timing. By the time I choose to tell a girl that I like her or ask if anything will ever come of us, it’s usually too late. I fall for tons of girls that are in the middle of relationships. I make a move 5 minutes too late. I tend to fall for girls that are leaving the next day or are only in town for the weekend. It’s a pattern I’ve come to notice.

The second thing I’ve realized is that I have little luck outside of girls that I’ve known for a long time. More often than not, the girls I’ve been with, I’ve known for years. Maybe I used to have a crush on them but never said anything or we were just friends for a long while. Either way, I have a hard time sharing my feelings with girls I’ve just met or making a move on a girl that clearly is interested, especially if I don’t know her that well.

Finally, kissing drunk girls is never a good idea. I’m making a note of this for future reference.

I see so many couples in this busy airport. It’s time to turn up the music and forget that I’m horrible at meeting girls.

I spent entirely too much money and ate entirely too much food over Thanksgiving break. I didn’t get to see as many people as I wanted to, unfortunately, and most of my time spent at home was spent blowing my nose and angrily squirting eye drops into my eyes. In other words, I had horrible allergies the entire time I was home. That may be attributed to the two small dogs running through the house, along with the sick cat I had to take to the vet.

Don’t get me wrong, I love going home. It’s just that, once I’m there, I spend a lot of time thinking about coming back to school. I enjoy hanging out with friends, but then again it always seems like no one’s home or everyone’s busy. Also, the allergies don’t really help my cause either. I like being able to just relax, though. It’s always really important to me to be able to take a step back from work and stress, and just relax and enjoy life.

I’m going to be spending two weekends in a row in an airport, and honestly I couldn’t be happier. I know that not many people enjoy airports, but I actually like them. Especially when I’m by myself, just sitting there, people-watching. I usually buy a TIME magazine or just sit there on my laptop, but it’s really not that bad. I’ve found that my time spent at an airport is a time of self-reflection, and right now that’s pretty good for me. I’m in-between identity crises (I swear, that’s the plural for crisis, I looked it up), and right now I just need to reflect and make sure that I’m OK with myself.

That’s all for right now. I’m still getting over my sickness a bit, so I’d better go lay down and pray for a night without fever dreams.